A Gentle Guide to Not Being Weird Around Reverts

Before you get started on this list, let me first set out my intention. This list is not meant as a literal guide. If you’ve done any of the following, it’s probably not a big deal. Or maybe it was, in which case it’s a good idea to reflect. You should reflect on your intention, on how you might be perceived. For reverts, it’s often the accumulation of these that adds up and makes us feel rejected.

More than anything else: be kind.

If you want more details, here is my best list as of now.

DO:

✓ Introduce yourself first. Revolutionary concept: "Hi, I'm Ahmed, I work in accounting" before "OMG ARE YOU A REVERT?!" We're people, not zoo exhibits.

✓ Actually give us your phone number. Check up on us. Text us random memes. Ask how our day was. You know, friend stuff.

✓ Talk about normal things. Your terrible boss. Your favorite TV show. That weird noise your car is making. Don’t become a preacher.

✓ Share your own struggles. When you tell us you also sometimes forget to pray Fajr or that you're struggling with your own faith questions, we feel less like alien life forms and more like we belong.

✓ Invite us to everything. Iftar, yes. But also your cousin's walima, the community picnic, that random Thursday dinner. We don't know we're welcome unless you tell us.

✓ Include us in regular community stuff. Not just the "Let's hear Sarah's inspiring conversion story" events. The boring stuff. The potlucks. The parking lot conversations.

✓ Answer our weird questions without judgment. Yes, we will ask if we can keep our tattoos. No, we don't know that everyone already had this discussion in Sunday school when they were seven.

✓ Remember we have families and histories. Our parents still exist. Our Christmas-celebrating, wine-drinking, dog-loving families are still our families.

DON'T:

✗ Don't ask super personal questions immediately. "What's your name?" = good. "Tell me about your spiritual rock bottom!" = therapy territory.

✗ Don't ask for our "Muslim name." Jennifer is already a perfectly good name, thanks. Also, "No, but where are you REALLY from?" California. I'm really from California.

✗ Don't assume we're all ex-party animals with dramatic conversion stories. Some of us just... read some books and it made sense. Sorry to disappoint.

✗ Don't tell us we're "so pure" or "like babies." We're adults who made a conscious choice, not spiritual infants. Also, it's creepy.

✗ Don't judge our in-progress lives. Our husbands might not be Muslim. Our jobs might involve things you consider questionable. Some of us might still be figuring out the whole alcohol thing. It's a journey, not a light switch.

✗ Don't prescribe immediate life amputations. "You should divorce him and quit your job" is not helpful advice for someone who just took their shahada last week. Maybe let us figure out one thing at a time? I once heard a scholar said that when he was taking his shahada, a sister was telling his wife she now had to divorce him.

✗ Don't police our timeline. "You've been Muslim for two years and still don't wear hijab?" Yeah, and? Focus on your own journey, friend.

✗ Don't assume we want to cut off our past. My Hindu best friend from college is still my best friend. My mom's Christmas cookies are still delicious. Integration, not amputation.

✗ Don't introduce us as reverts. Unless it’s to another revert, we’d appreciate being not just that all the time. Can I interest you in one of my hobbies?

The Bottom Line:

Treat us like you'd treat any other human you're trying to befriend. Because that's what we are: humans trying to figure out this path, just like you. We showed up late to the party, but we're here now, probably asking why everyone's standing in separate corners when we could all be dancing together.

Of all the people at the masjid, we probably are the ones who are the most in need of a friendly smile or a new bestie. And as with anyone you might meet, remember that not everyone can be best friends. If at some point you don’t end up with the closest friendship in the world, it’s probably just because you are two normal humans, not because you did anything wrong.

Remember: we're all just trying to get closer to Allah. Some of us took the scenic route. That doesn't make us tourist attractions.

P.S. - Yes, we know we might be a lot. We can't help it. It's the Big Revert Energy. You've been warned.